Klancnik: My day as a standard bearer at Colonial

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PGATOUR.com freelance writer Rudy Klancnik received the opportunity to work as a standard bearer in the second round of the Crowne Plaza Colonial. Here is his report on life inside the ropes.

My life inside the ropes lasted five hours, 12 minutes and 22 seconds. OK, maybe I didn't chart it that closely. But the time was the only number I didn't keep close track of during my steamy afternoon stint as a volunteer standard bearer with Group No. 10 in the second round of the Crowne Plaza Colonial Invitational.

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Rudy Klancnik

Standard bearer. Doesn't that sound like a title you'd like on your business card? I love the sound of it. It's regal. It's important. It's the standard bearer, for heaven's sake.

Before I earned my way inside the ropes in Fort Worth, I had to pass a relentless training session. My drill sergeant was Platt Allen, the lead dog of the standard bearers. Platt . . . love that name, too.

Platt gave me a crash course in being the perfect standard bearer. It was five of the most intense minutes of the day. Seriously, Platt is the most likeable fella this side of Will Rogers and his tutorial was brief, educational and easy enough for an elementary school kid to follow. Perfect for yours truly.

Rule No. 1: Follow behind the players when walking down the fairway. Hey, that's easy. I've had years of practice following 10 paces behind my wife.

Rule No. 2: Stand even with the players (but never behind them) when they address the ball. Yeah, I hate anyone standing behind me when I'm about to duck hook one into the trees.

Rule No. 3: Change the numbers at the green after the final player finishes out. Makes sense. You don't want the sign rattling at the wrong times.

Rule No. 4: Hold the standard so that fans can see the board when you're walking down the fairway. Again, pretty logical stuff. I think I've got it.

Rule No. 5: Stay hydrated.

This final rule was definitely the most important. Even though it's not officially summer in North Texas, Friday was an absolute oven, especially when our group approached their first tee shots at 1:43 pm CT.

We're talking Costa Rica hot. So hot that caddies should have been given pull carts and personal Port-A-Cools. I was just carrying a metal sign. These guys are hauling a Rodney Dangerfield-sized bag for 18 holes.

Then again, at least they get to don shorts. In what was the only drawback for me, the official wardrobe of standard bearers calls for blue slacks. By the end of the round, I needed to have those bad boys surgically cut off my legs. I won't even attempt to describe the odor. Suffice to say that I need a new pair of blue slacks.

The group I was entrusted with couldn't have been a better trio of guys. Richard Johnson, Mark Jones and Doug LaBelle II. These are guys you'd want to hang with at the 19th hole. Good, genuine young guys. Despite some struggles by two of the three, none of them threw a fit, all were extraordinarily courteous and I'm now a fan for life.

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Richard Johnson

One of our threesome -- Richard Johnson from Wales -- played his way into the weekend with a hard-fought 69. Considering 30-mph winds, the oppressive heat and some loose drives in the middle of his round, Johnson held it together with some clutch putts and recorded two nifty chip-ins -- one for an eagle early and another for a birdie late.

But my day wasn't about covering their round. My day was about not screwing up the little plastic numbers in my vest. Talk about pressure. For the first few holes, I was freaking out every time I had to make a change.

It seems like a simple enough chore -- find the number, make sure it's the right color (black or red) and make sure you place it next to the right guy...and on both sides of your board. Again, I'm thinking a 5th grader could master it pretty quickly. Still, I was amazed at how nervous I was early on in the round.

Thankfully, my teammate for the day was a calming influence and a veteran of many Colonials. The official scorer, the one who's score really counts because it's sent directly to PGA TOUR ShotLink, was Terri Isbell. What a terrific lady. Not only did she show me the ropes -- "Stand over here, sit over there, don't walk, do walk, change the score, etc" -- she also was an awesome conversationalist. By the way, her and her husband's steel company is doing the steel work for the Dallas Cowboys' new billion-dollar monolith. Not a bad bid to win.

At the end of the day, I felt pretty good about my maiden voyage inside the ropes. No numbers hit the ground, I held my sign correctly, I didn't annoy our pros, I didn't get heckled by fans and I didn't pass out from heat exhaustion. All in all, a successful outing. I even scored three signed golf balls from the group.

Sign me up for next year, Platt.